It was a bumpy day. Although there was no traffic, I was late. In my lateness, I forgot the most important things I needed to perform my duties for the day (for which there was only me to do them, hence, no one to borrow from). Further, I did not have time to pack lunch and was destined to starve because everything in the hospital was closed; not to mention I was stuck in the restricted area.

I thought to myself, what an awful start to the year. Then I called my friend to pick up my things from my car and another to buy me lunch on his way to his post. Some time in between, the nurses invited me to their pantry party and fed me. All these got me to thinking again, on this first day of the year, stumped by the chaos of my weaknesses, I discovered sources of help, even in unexpected places.

Near the end of my shift I was once again thrown off by the news that our housekeeper has not come home from her day off. Worried about her welfare and the burden of the next few days without a cleaner, dogsitter, cook, laundryperson, I was instantly in a panic. Nothing to do but press on, and find strength where I thought there was no more. I do hope she’s okay. She is still out of reach.

Hello 2014. I feel like, more than ever, although I’ve said it many times before, I am actually standing on the precipice of a very vast and daunting space of dark and unknown emptiness. I know that I cannot keep going blindly and that I must find in myself some light to cast.

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