Archives for posts with tag: count

I moved to a country for its climate. Everything and everyone else I love is at least one ocean away. Alone, encumbered (or unencumbered, depends which way you look at it) by loneliness, I begin to feel regret for that decision made forever ago. However, seeing that climate is something I have to live with every single day, it remains a defensible choice.

I have a playlist called “not listening to AM”. Goodbye to your posturing, vapid curiosity.

I have decided I will try online dating. 

When I imagine myself moving up in the ranks in my place of work I feel a touch of despair. Constant antagonism pervades the space between colleagues. Beyond that, the infinite struggle just to get things done leaves no room for improvement: beauty and harmony. 

I think of running away and making a fresh start, seeking out an environment where I can thrive. I wonder if I should take some responsibility in changing the way things are, but then I imagine it would be a bit of a red queen affair, perpetually running in place. 

I see the sense of purpose in both paths, but as of yet, I am unmoved.

I can’t get myself to work. It is an enormous problem that must be overcome. The mere thought of initiating a required task is debilitating. Where does it come from?

Met up for coffee with another friend.

I am often in awe of how she uses language. I wonder if I ever spoke aloud like that, using phrases like “lends credence to” or “cast in the shadow of the memory of”. The speed of her thought amazes me and the linguistic acrobatics she employs inspires me.

I think of the ideas we share and how there just aren’t people around to talk about ideas with anymore.

This all leads me to think that I should write more, engage in that arduous language-shaping-thought-shaping-language endeavor to flex those old muscles.

I’ll have to write this quickly. On duty tonight and won’t have time to come back for a post.

I spent time with old friends last night. It is always fun to catch up and remember the good old times, look forward to making new memories.

For the first time yesterday, I watched the sunset over the bay. I watched the crowd over the entertainment park and felt a profound sense of gratitude for the beauty we are allowed to witness. Everyday we have access to something like that, weather permitting: a moment of perfection to suspend all other distraction.

We also resolved, as friends, to say yes more, to put ourselves out there and to fall in love. Will it be the year at last for that?